Flappy Birdie
by Trisforce
Summary: Flappy Bird has a fun time with Lorde Voldemort and Destiny. He has to fulfill both of them. Crackfic. Sexy. Flappy.
1. Flappy Birdie

**So. Here it is. Special thanks to: Katie, Cheyenne, Kamakshi, Gabby, and Lily.**

* * *

One day I woke up, destined to fly. Fly to my girlfriend's house. But these damn pipes were in my way, being cockblocks. My birdie became flappy.

"I needed to get higher to get past the pipes, so I went into my mom's room and found the drugs. Once I got high, I think I got through the pipes. I'm not sure. Damn pipes."

Destiny must be fulfilled, btw Destiny is my girlfriend's name -wink wink-. She can't with all of these damn cockblocks,who put these pipes here anyway? Like,go back to Super Mario. Gosh.

I followed Mario's advice ad I tried to pass through the pipes, it worked.

To Destiny I go. I need to see Destiny... I got past three pipes and then decided I need to get higher. So I pulled out another blunt and flew on my way. My birdie will soar.

After passing through the pipes, I reached this magical place called Hogwarts, and I had the privilege of meeting the beautiful Lorde Voldemort, after getting his/her autograph, I decided to join the Dark Lorde's ranks and I'm an now his/her personal servant. When we got back to his headquarters, this crazy looking person named Bellatrix got jealous and killed me. The End.

But I wasn't dead, they just thought I was. Apparently I'm a horcrux, or was. With my newfound magical powers, I apparated to Destiny's house. "Hey, baby birdie," I said when I arrived.

We then proceeded to frick frack.

Much frick frack, such wonderful. Destiny was filled much.

Destiny's pipes were gorgeous. But then I died. And had to start over again.

Frick frack...

Back at my house with these motherfucking cock blocking pipes.

And then we got in an awesome threesome, Destiny became pregnant, Lorde Voldemort forgot his/her condoms, and my bird became flappy again.

* * *

**wat **


	2. Fappy Birdie

**Special thanks to Katie and Lily.**

* * *

I flew on my way to my girls house and hit a damn cockblocking pipe. My wings are too tired, and I fall flat on my face. I grab my wonkadonk. Oh~

I figured that since the pipes were in the way and I couldn't fulfill Destiny (again, wink wink) I'd have to go without.

I chirped and fapped against my flappy. Each time I was closer my mind dinged.

Its been so long since I've seen Destiny. These god damn cockblocking pipes!

This was so much easier than trying to get through those pipes though, bro, and my pipe was flying higher than I was.

Dingdingding. I keep track. My score is three. [HEAVY BREATHING] I need my pipe to fly high

I kept flapping my ringerdinger, and my score got higher. I was at 4, then 5, then 6... I couldn't keep track anymore, I had to focus on the do at hand. I'd know when I hit 10 anyway, I'd get my white medal if you know what I mean~

[Don't Hug Me I'm Scared voice] DING DING DING DING DING DING

I HIT 10! I jumped as high as that weird dude in red that was going inside of the cockblocking pipes when I hit. My white medal was all over the place bro.

TEN? MOTHERFUCKING TEN! My feathers were wonky and I tried higher, letting my dinger dang loudly.

My score kept climbing and climbing, I was going higher than I'd ever gone before. I was past my old high score!

I wish Destiny was here cocky licking my flappy birdie.

I hope my birdie wasnt covered in salt, because I need Destiny to do some cocky lickin'.

And then I broke my record and my white metal shattered. I got a new high score. Thirteen. Destiny's age.  
The end.


	3. Crappy Birdie

**Same thanks to the people before.**

* * *

But Destiny wasn't here, she was at the other end of those motherfucking pipes. I pictured Destiny being fulfilled and my score climbed. And at last, I couldn't go any higher. My flappy bird was fapped out, and I hit the ground, laying on my back.

I chirped loudly. [Closer by Nine Inch Nails plays] I needed therapy.

I also needed a toilet.

[EXPLOSION] I NEED GAS-X AND TERLET PAPER!

I looked around in panic and I saw one of the cockblocking pipes. I remembered the little red dude going in the pipes.

I leaned over and fell on to it.

There were no toilets around so this would have to serve

I let my medals explode again.  
*boom Mario pops up* MOMMA MIA

I fell off of the pipe faster than I could smack into one and stared at the little guy in red, er, make that not much red anymore.

"Frickerfrackersnickersnackerer you Faggy Bird!"


	4. Faggy Birdie

**Same as before, added Jasmine, Declan and Billlie. **

* * *

I pulled up my leg cover thingies (I couldn't remember the name with the adrenaline—and possibly drugs—pumping through my blood) and tried to fly away

But I fell again, hoping Destiny and/or Lorde Voldemort don't find me stranded, covered in brown and white.

But of course luck was against me when Destiny popped up out of another pipe. Was she there the whole time?

"My my! You're a faggot!" A voice yells, coming out of the same pipe as Destiny. Lorde Voldemort. Fuck. I look over- were they having frick fracks and snick snacks without me?

But i must keep going. My score my rise to more. Dispite my hate towards them, I fly forwards as fast as i can. my little pringle wings trying not to snap in half.

"FAGGOT!" I hear the red guy yell as he grinds against Justin Bieber. And then I throw my pringles at everybody.

i see word faggot i gonna beat the crap outta u

once again faints headfirst onto a table*

But then i realise pringles dont harm anyone or anything.

So I look over at Justin Bieber and wink at him, and then we had a massive sexy time and gave birth to Nicholas Cage.


End file.
